|Subj: In regards to North Dakota
Date: 11/9/2004 10:23:07 PM Eastern Standard Time
Esteemed Senator from North Dakota:
I originally wanted to email Bono. You know, the guy from U2. I wanted to tell him what it's like to walk around the West Village on a brisk Monday night on the verge of winter. I wanted to tell him that there wasn't a supermarket open anywhere. I wanted to tell him I saw his face on a magazine called "Uncut" in some store window or something of the sort. Then I intended to get to the point of the letter by rambling on about Africa and analyzing the color scheme of the new U2 signature iPod and what not. Unfortunately, I couldn't find Bono's email address. He must be a busy man saving the world and all. Fortunately, I found yours. You were one of the few Senators kind enough to provide the American public with your email address instead of the generic impersonal web form. In case you were wondering, some of the other Senators that hand out their email are from Wisconsin, New Hampshire, Louisiana and Hawaii. I've only been to half of those places. Regardless, I believe they all exist. On the other hand, I have never been to North Dakota and truth be told, I am not quite so sure North Dakota exists. That's why I'm writing you as opposed to those other Senators. Forgive me if I seem illiterate, but this has been bothering me for quite some time. As just stated, I have never been to North Dakota, never seen a North Dakota license plate, never met a person from North Dakota, don't know the capital of North Dakota, basically I know nothing about North Dakota and as such am only led to believe that it is just some anomaly drawn onto the map to fool the American public into believing that we actually have fifty as opposed to forty-nine states. Fifty, after all, is a nice round whole number. It can be divided by five and ten and two and twenty five. I suppose forty-nine is a square of seven and kind of attractive in that regard, but that is beside the point. The point being that it is quite easy to believe and quite feasible for anyone to have drawn an excess state onto the map. As the story goes, in converting spherical to planar geometry, anyone could have easily just squeezed in one state too many without anyone knowing. I mean look at the size of Greenland. It's bigger than Africa and South America! I've seen the maps! Truth be told I am not quite convinced. Greenland is not that big and North Dakota is not there. No one yet has been able to prove me wrong. So, it's late and I think I've made my case. I suppose I am just writing to you to see if you actually are real. Then again, I will probably just get an auto-response to this email and I will probably never know either which way. But anyway, I'm sorry for interrupting your busy schedule, but if you can send me Bono's email address, I'm sure you won't hear from me again.