Tenants of 259 West 12th Street:
Upon leaving my apartment one afternoon not too long ago, I discovered feces that could only have come from either a small dog or a very large rat. Assuming that the tenants of this building are far too refined to let their small dog of, say, about the size of a Yorkie, relieve themselves on other people's doormats, I am but forced to assume that we have a rat problem of epic proportions. The only solution as I see it is to leave out rat poison for this beast. So, as fair warning, should you happen to have a small pet that you leave unattended in the hallway, it would be in your best interest to keep a more watchful eye on your little loved one. Sorry for the inconvenience, but we must rid ourselves of the vermin.