Subject: In concern to ponds and other problems.
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2006 15:57:55 -0500
To Sven it May Concern:
Approximately two years ago I wanted to construct a fish pond in the 10th floor lobby. You told me not to. Now, I couldn't help but overhearing. I often can't help but overhearing. Living in a densely populated city and being constantly surrounded by numerous conversations that well exceed the limits of normal ambient noise, I often become privy to many conversations which, needless to say, do not involve me. But anyway, the point being that you were talking really loudly and as the predominant source of noise in the room I was inadvertently a third-party to your conversation. It was not as though I were eavesdropping or anything. I just really couldn't help overhearing snippets of what you were saying. Honestly, I was just reading my email and it was not as though I were so engrossed in what I was doing that I could tune out all background noise. The point being that I couldn't help but overhearing that you wanted to construct a pond in the 10th floor lab. I can understand as to why you wouldn't want to give me permission to do such a thing two years ago, but I really think you should give yourself permission to do so now. If you can't construct a pond in the tenth floor lab, who can? All it would take is a few sandbags, a tarpaulin, some fake lily pads, a frog, a couple koi, in your case some toy boats and a hundred gallons of water or so (which you can get by overflowing the bathroom sink and siphoning it into the lab with a water pump). It can be completed in an afternoon with some pre-planning. And believe me, I had the logistics all worked out. The only thing that was holding me back was the lack of permission from you. So, what's your excuse? If you ask me, which I'm guessing you're not, the only thing thwarting you must be self-repression. Yes, you're held back by fear. An irrational fear such as losing your job or causing thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of flood damage or collapsing the floor due to poor structural integrity of the building or something. But fear not my friend. Life is too short to live in fear. We must act! And we must act to now! We must be permissive! We must build that pond! We most fill it with koi and boats! And we must let Randy Sarafan throw his going away party in room 1013! Yes, we are both aware that Randy Sarafan has graduated from Parsons almost a year ago and since then has taken the customary offer of being welcome back any time a bit too much to heart, but that is no reason to stop him from filling 1013 one Friday night with strange lighting and decorations, bizarre costumes, a live band, a slew of people, some food, some beverages and some things that defy being listed. Before you say no, I think you should say yes. After all, it wasn't my idea. It was Evan Harper's idea and we all know he's as sharp as a tack. So it must be a good idea. His expert opinion is that my apartment is too small to hold the trappings of a party and there is no place more suitable for throwing a leaving New York party than at the one place I spent most of my time in New York. It is only fitting, and highly economical, for me to give my last big goodbye in room 1013. It would be nice to have your go-ahead, if not for the pond, at least for the party. Obviously you're invited to this party, so by not having the party, you're not only uninviting everyone else, but uninviting yourself. And once more, there you go repressing yourself. Then again, it is your decision to be repressed and who am I to judge? If you want to be repressed, be repressed. If you want to continue living a life of repression and denial, please start by denying to yourself that you ever read this email or heard anything about this party. However, what fun would any of that be? Fun... You like fun. Everyone likes fun... c'mon... Parties are fun. Lets have a party. That would be fun.