hey CPB,

You heard me! Stay away. It really is not exciting to work eighty hours a week doing really boring and tedious work just because you can drop the names of a couple big brands. I do not think it is exciting to donate endless hours of cheap labor to aimless branding campaigns and I will not display a cult-like devotion to your company, especially since your company only can seem to produce unimaginative and pointless garbage that shows no sign of complex reasoning. Then again, maybe that is why you are so successful with mainstream America. Either which way, you still owe me $30 for my taxi ride from Miami airport. Yes, I interviewed with you once and I can honestly say it was the most pointless experience of my life. From the onset I had no clue as to why your company was interested in me. I did my best to make this abundantly clear. However, CPB still insisted on giving me a free trip to Miami and after all, who can pass up a free trip? So, I traveled down to Miami and after about five minutes of talking with Rupert about RES magazine, the fact that I was still not a broadcast designer (even in person) and that I wanted a job where I could have creative input, I was left on my own in the lobby where I could overhear him talking about how I looked far more thrilling in writing. I don't know what writing he was reading, but it probably wasn't any of the emails in which I explained to him that I did not produce videos or websites. Any which way, I was hoping that after his initial disappointment with me he would let me go and make the best of my day in Miami. No, instead I had to talk for hours to every other person in the production department, all of which wanted to ask me the same exact questions. If I knew that the free trip entailed such aimless cross-examining, I would have stayed home. Even my interview with the CIA was conducted in a far more lax environment than that. After some time I guess my frustration with your aimless interrogation tactics shone through because it seemed that I managed to offend a number of my interviewers with sarcastic answers and utter indifference. Then again, maybe it was my sarcasm and utter indifference that kept me from ever hearing back from your company. Maybe you could tell from my snide behavior that I would not be loyal and amiable at all costs. Then again, maybe Rupert just didn't want to deal with me any further and sent me away into the drudgery of the company to waste my time. Regardless, you still owe me $30. And I still stand firm on the fact that you should stay in Boulder with all the pseudo-bohemians. We don't want you recruiting here in San Francisco.

Randy Sarafan