Subject: world bank policy inquiry
Date: Fri, 11 Aug2006 10:02:39 -0500
Dear World Bank,
I would like to open a savings account with your organization. Just the other day, my mother stressed the importance of having a personal savings account and I feel that she may be on to something. As much as I do not want to think about it, I am probably at that point in my life where I should be investing in the security of my future. You seem like a future-oriented banking institution with a proven track record of success. As a matter of course, there is no other bank I would trust more to incubate my nest egg. In fact, I am so impressed by the World Bank that not only do I want to entrust you with my future, but I am even considering opening a checking account in addition. This second account is not a definite yet. Truth be told, I have my reservations. Please do not misunderstand my intentions. This reluctance has nothing to do with your performance. I hold your organization only in the highest of regards. It has more to do with your benefit program. I do not fully understand the mechanics of your rewards program. You see, Citibank spells out their member benefits quite clearly. By opening a checking account with Citibank, I will be awarded points for every transaction made. These points can then be redeemed for an iPod and many other consumer electronic products. Their membership rewards program is quite transparent. Yours on the other hand, no offense, is not. The only similar banking rewards program that it would seem your organization has to offer is the hydroelectric rewards program in India. Is that offer exclusive to that particular branch or is it available through all your franchises? I was hoping that if I opened a checking account with your organization I could earn points redeemable for a hydroelectric dam in my country (since I already have an iPod). America is in desperate need of not only more renewable energy programs, but also of less sprawl. By erecting dams, we can not only provide cheap and clean energy to urban centers, but also flood vastly misused tracts of suburban development, solving numerous urban planning mistakes with one grand gesture. For one, the flooding of suburbia will require the middle-class to relocate to urban centers. Having considerably more people in a smaller geographic area will help stem rampant mass consumption by essentially eliminating space in which to store products. This forced cutback will enable people to accumulate excess wealth which they can reinvest in the the newly constructed, conveniently located, privately-owned lakefront resort destinations. These resort destinations will provide ample low-paying service job opportunities for the poverty-stricken class who will have been forced out of their low income housing by the influx of suburban dwellers into the metropolitan area. An influx, in fact, that will be so great that it will become grossly impractical to own and use large automobiles in the densely populated urban center. Public transportation and smaller, more efficient electric cars will become a necessity. Being wholly reliant on electricity to power our industrial complex, our American city will no longer be at the mercy of the generosity of the Middle East. The best part is that should electric cars and hydroelectric dams not be enough to save the world from global warming (which they probably won't), this city will be ahead of the curve having already flooded a good portion of inhabitable, but grossly misused, land. Building dams will preemptively displace thousands upon thousands of suburbanites into state-of-the-art American city structures. With the help of the World Bank reward system America will be leading the world into the future. Or so I am assuming. I'm still not sure if you offer such great member perks at all of your bank locations, but if you do, I want to open an account through my American branch right away. Please send me all necessary brochures so we can move ahead in our partnership.
Citizen of the World, USA